Dating Violence.. Could It Be?

 


Have you ever wondered if those early warning signs in a new relationship might lead to something more concerning? Dating violence isn't just physical—it includes verbal abuse, excessive surveillance, and invasion of privacy. The alarming reality is that these issues don't suddenly appear out of nowhere.

According to research by Professor Seo Kyung-hyun from Sahmyook University, there are four common characteristics exhibited by perpetrators of dating violence. Today, I'd like to share how you can identify these warning signs early on—even during the "talking stage"—before the relationship becomes official.

1. Excessive Expressions of Loneliness - "I Feel So Empty Without You..."

Research shows that dating violence perpetrators experience feelings of loneliness 14% more intensely than others. In the early stages of dating, this might manifest as:

  • Becoming overly dependent despite the relationship being new
  • Sending dozens of messages daily and becoming anxious without a reply
  • Insisting on meeting every day

While it's natural for couples to want to spend time together, these behaviors appearing excessively during the early stages should raise concerns.

2. Intense Fear of Rejection - "Don't You Care About Me?"

According to studies, perpetrators of dating violence worry about "being rejected by their romantic interest" 14% more than others. This anxiety can appear as:

  • Becoming visibly distressed when replies are delayed
  • Getting upset when they feel they're not receiving enough attention
  • Overreacting when you try to establish boundaries

This fear of rejection often connects to self-esteem issues and may develop into controlling behaviors later in the relationship.

3. Strong Jealousy and Possessiveness - "Don't Be So Close With Them"

The strongest indicator is jealousy—dating violence perpetrators experience jealousy 29% more intensely than others. Warning signs include:

  • Being overly suspicious of your friends of the opposite sex before you're even officially dating
  • Making possessive statements like "You're mine"
  • Attempting to limit your relationships with others

While mild jealousy can sometimes indicate interest, possessive behavior during the talking stage often predicts a controlling relationship down the road.

4. Excessive Suspicion and Distrust - "Were You Really Just With Friends?"

Dating violence perpetrators tend to be 27% more suspicious than others. During the early dating phase, you might notice:

  • Questioning your everyday activities and social interactions
  • Repeatedly testing your honesty
  • Probing excessively about your schedule and who you spend time with

This suspicion typically intensifies as the relationship progresses and can eventually transform into monitoring and controlling behaviors.

The Common Thread: Obsession

Looking at these four characteristics—excessive loneliness, fear of rejection, intense jealousy, and extreme suspicion—one common theme emerges: obsession.

The challenge is that during the early dating phase, these obsessive behaviors can easily be misinterpreted as "They must really like me." You might mistake these warning signs for passion or deep interest.

However, obsessive behavior before establishing a relationship often indicates a desire to "possess" and "control" rather than to love and support. This can develop into emotional abuse or dating violence.

Advice for Starting Healthy Relationships

If your potential partner strongly exhibits the characteristics mentioned above during the early stages, take time to reconsider before committing to the relationship. Not every person with obsessive tendencies will necessarily become physically violent, but the risk of emotional abuse, control, and surveillance is significantly higher.

Not all expressions of insecurity or jealousy are problematic—some level of emotional vulnerability is natural. However, if these behaviors are excessive or if multiple warning signs appear simultaneously, proceed with caution.

Most importantly, trust your instincts. If someone's behavior makes you uncomfortable, don't ignore that feeling. A healthy relationship begins with mutual respect and trust, not possession.

Your safety and happiness should always come first. Remember, you deserve genuine love, not obsession.

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